Reading back, more than twelve days since my last post. Why? What have I been doing that didn’t include writing, or maybe didn’t include sharing things here?

I know I’ve been tired; several appointments (physio and a B12 shot) confirm this, as do too long sleep hours a few running nights. I’m practicing taking naps when I feel my body shutting down. You’d think that would be logical, but it’s had a hard time negotiating with my system and life patterns to get a place. I don’t understand all of the signals my body gives, but at the same time, I have a terrible habit of pushing through because being sick was a judgement place for so long. That shows up at times in writing that’s going into the memoir I started a few years back. In courses and among writing friends with whom I’ve shared, my ability to describe the moods, feelings, emotions, sensations are described as well written, able to give a picture of the experience. The compliment is nice, but what is needed at the moment is a better grip on the message the sensations are trying to convey. Do I need water, food, sleep? Am I getting too little exercise? Am I tracking basic needs or have I suppressed them? It’s not always easy for me to tell. One counselor told me I am far too good at dissociating. It’s a short-term coping skill our bodies have for emergencies. It’s not meant to be a way of life.

I know all these things. Knowledge and application need a better conversation.

Journal notes suggest I’ve been busy. Besides work, I have sat in on several discord conversations around semiotics, signs, memes, historic poetry and Latin. Where does my brain find time for this – it’s not like any of these are personal areas of study or expertise. Several conversations with local friends, laughter and nonsense. Volunteering at a community brunch that happens twice a month. Yes, I’m beginning to weave in the tangible health where slowing work has opened spaces. I am learning healthy choices.

The essay I started on January 9th has seen some attention. I’ve read it through several times and played with editing suggestions I got from my writing group. Layout as well as word choices. It’s time to write another or go back to the first, the one I did during my course last fall and add to a list written there.

Poetry is still my go-to writing, but I am beginning to also love lyric essay.

Learning patterns I follow now forming retirement is interesting. I’ve always been curious about things I could learn. When Jacob was small: ASL, Deaf Culture, elements of learning, and how to teach reading. My filing cabinets were full of different things then. Words and language are still of interest, but the context shifts. I still encourage my son with reading English, I have apps to practice French and Spanish, and recently Hebrew. One of the YouTube channels I follow teach biblical Hebrew and Greek, and now the discord group have added Latin. There is no way I am going to learn all of the things I’ve put on my plate.

Hopefully, I’m doing better tracking my interests and learning to balance it all against health.

This will be a good year.